Taming Impulsive ADHD Behavior
- Beth Skaret
- Apr 24, 2019
- 4 min read
Updated: 6 hours ago
Kyle was and impulsive ADHD kid. He interrupted….loudly and repeatedly. He ran into rooms, stores, people’s houses…often knocking things over or bumping into someone.
He grabbed the first piece of pizza while pushing his sister out of the way.
He pushed or hit when he got frustrated.
He also found himself in trouble….a lot. He was constantly in time out, sitting out at recess or in gym class, or in the school office because of fighting.
Kyle’s parents were not permissive. They were responsible people who taught their kids right from wrong.
They told Kyle what they expected of him, “Be good. Follow directions. Be respectful. Honor God in your speech and actions.”
They themselves were good examples.
So why was Kyle struggling so hard to learn self control?
Because when you have ADHD you act first and think second. The programming is backward.
If you asked Kyle what he should do when he feels frustrated on the playground, he’d tell you, “You treat others respectfully.”
He KNEW in his head what he was supposed to do. The problem was that when the situation came about, the thinking didn’t happen until AFTER the reaction.
In this post, we’ll talk about how to TAME IMPULSIVE BEHAVIOR, but first…
In case you are new to the Jesus Me & ADHD blog, here are some other popular posts for you to check out:
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Taming Impulsive ADHD Behavior: Set Clear Expectations
Remember when I said that Kyle’s parents had taught him how they expected him to behave? Do you remember what the words were that were in Kyle’s head?
Kyle remembers that he needs to:
Be good
Be respectful
Follow directions
Honor God with your words and actions.
These are all important values to have and great things to teach your kid.
But they are not specific enough for a kid like Kyle.
Kids with ADHD need play by play instructions for how to handle situations. The need to know exactly what to do.
So, instead of just, Be Respectful…
Try, “When you feel frustrated on the playground, you need to walk away from the thing or person that is bothering you and take a break. Pray and ask God to give you patience.”
If you can get it into a 2 or 3 word cue...all the better.
STOP - WALK AWAY - PRAY. (that’s 4, but it still works).
Remember to restate the specific expectations for a situation each time you encounter it.
If going to the store…
Instead of, “Be Good,” or “Behave yourself,” you could try “Keep your hands in your pockets,” or “Please walk quietly next to me.”
Repetition in each scenario is important. It takes a LONG time to develop a habit and in this case you are reprogramming old habits and establishing new ones.
Taming Impulsive Behavior: Discipline & Rehearsal
When a child does something that is NOT the behavior you have expected (and communicated clearly to them), it needs to be corrected immediately.
Waiting until you get home to talk about it is not going to work out well. You’ll probably have multiple incorrect behaviors to deal with and the opportunity to rehearse correct behavior will have past.
Let’s imagine how this would work with Kyle.
Kyle’s parents have told him to ask politely for things he wants instead of grabbing them.
At a birthday party, Kyle sees a plate of cupcakes. He loves cupcakes. Kyle runs to the table and grabs the one he wants without even asking or observing if it was okay.
Kyle’s parents then tell him, “Kyle, you grabbed the cupcake without asking politely first. Go put it back and try again. This time walk to the table and ask politely first. If the (parent of bday kid) says you may have one, then you can take it.”
Kyle pouts, but does as he is told.
In this situation, Kyle has had 3 things happen that gave him clear feedback on his behavior.
The incorrect action he took was pointed out right away when it happened.
The correct behavior was restated for him.
He was given the opportunity to rehearse the correct behavior.
Giving an ADHD child the chance to “do over” or rehearse correct behavior in an immediate context is super powerful.
Taming Impulsive Behavior: Praise the Progress
I use that phrase a lot, “praise the progress,” but it is so true and so applicable in multiple situations.
We are imperfect people who sin and mess up. We need mercy. We need grace. We need forgiveness. We need a second chance (or third, fourth...70 times 7th!)
It will take an ADHD child many, many times to reprogram impulsive inappropriate actions into appropriate ones.
Sometimes they will get it. Most of the time they won’t. But eventually...it will click and they will be able to act automatically with a correct response.
In the meantime...PRAISE THE PROGRESS.
Praise them when they do better.
Praise them when they do part of it.
Praise them when they remember (albeit too late) what they were supposed to do.
Praise them for recognizing their mistake
Praise them for wanting to do better.
That is not to say there should not be discipline. If a mistake is made, appropriate consequences should follow. But make a point of pairing a praise with the negative.
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Like what you read here?
Check out the rest of my website and blog for more practical ideas to deal with daily ADHD issues and to find encouragement and support in this Journey: www.bethskaret.com
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It is a group of Christian Moms of kids with ADHD who share, support and pray for each other as we journey through the daily struggles with ADHD.
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