ADHD: Who NEEDS to Know?

Beth Skaret
Nov 25, 2018
7 min read

Updated: Jul 7, 2025

ADHD: Who Needs to Know?

How do you decide with whom you should share your child's ADHD or other diagnosis? Who needs to know and how will it impact your child if you tell them?

Have you struggled with these questions?

How much information should you share with other people?

Does the school really need to know all the details that the doctor and therapist share?

What if they don’t give him the same opportunities as other kids because they think he can’t handle it?

What about outside of school? Should you tell the parents of the other kids?

What if they treat your child differently or don’t let their kids play with him/ her?

What if the other kids find out and treat him/her differently?

You don’t want your kid to feel “different,” but you also don’t want your kid to feel like they need to be ashamed.

What do you do?

These are some of the tough questions we will talk about in this post.

But before we do: Are you feeling overwhelmed with the strain that ADHD is putting on you and your family?

If so, I encourage you to get The ADHD Prayer Journal for Moms.

It is a 30 Day prayer journal written with YOU - the mom - in mind. We all need some encouragement and to know that others get what you’re going through.

ADHD: Who Needs to Know: The People Who Can Help.

When it comes to ADHD everyone seems to have an opinion. Most people think they know and understand what it means.

Those trained in education and mental health usually do know a lot about the various aspects of ADHD, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they know YOUR CHILD and how ADHD affects them.

So, WHO DO YOU TELL?

The short answer is: You should share it with those people who will use the information to benefit your child. People who understand what it means and know what to do with the information to help your child be his or her best.

In a school setting that is: classroom teacher, special education teacher, principal .

Now, if you already have a 504 or IEP in place, those people should be fully aware of what your child needs "technically."

I say "technically'' because a document can only convey so much and it will tend to communicate a generalized view of your child within the concept of the diagnosis... in other words, they will see ADHD and have expectations of whatever their experience with ADHD is.

Your child is unique. ADHD or not, all kids are unique. All people are unique. God didn't just throw some DNA on an assembly line and let it go.

He created each of us by hand with different and special ways.

PSALM 139:13-16

13 For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

ADHD: Who Needs to Know: WHAT do they need to know?

The people who can help need to know information that will help them in their setting.

They need to know:

What behaviors to expect.
What circumstances tend to trigger behaviors.
What strategies work well to help your child.
What you child responds to when they are having trouble.
What methods have helped your child in various tasks.

YOUR job as parent is to communicate to those people HOW your child works.

For example, the 504 may say, "Bobby has ADHD inattentive type and needs frequent redirection to remain on task."

YOUR clarification might be, "Bobby gets distracted when he has to sit still for more than 5 minutes at a time. It would really be helpful if you let him stand up or move to a different spot while he is working. That tends to help him get a job finished more easily."

It might seem like that should be the school’s job to figure it out, and it is to a degree.

They need to help, but remember that you are the one constant advocate in your child’s life.

Each teacher has several children and they are all different. YOU are the expert in YOUR CHILD.

ADHD: Who Need to Know: Outside of school?

OUTSIDE of a school setting, who needs to know?

Still the same answer: Those people who interact regularly with your child, understand what ADHD means and know what to do with the information.

Unfortunately, many people outside of the school and mental health settings don't truly understand what ADHD is or how it works.

There tends to be stereotypical expectations of kids bouncing off the walls and talking uncontrollably.

That may fit your kid to a degree or not at all, but there will always be differences.

YOU will have to determine WHO WOULD be able to help your child manage better IF THEY DID understand ADHD and how it works.

This could be:

Sunday School teacher
Children's pastor
Daycare provider
Your child's best friend's mom and dad
Members of your extended family with whom you regularly spend time.

ADHD: Who Needs to Know: WHAT do those outside school need to know?

YOUR next job is to TEACH THEM about your kid. YOU are the expert on YOUR KID more so than any pediatrician, special education teacher or anyone else.

YOU need to TEACH THEM about how ADHD affects your child.

Help them to understand:

How their brain works.
Why they tend to respond certain ways.
How to manage their behavior.
What coping skills you are currently working to develop.

What if they treat your kid differently?

Giving them information about how to understand your child does not change who your child is.

For those who have already known them….it’s still the same person. The difference is that now they have a toolbox of resources to help with some of the behaviors they have already seen and are used to.

For those who are new to your child….it’s up to you.

It is true that some may approach your child differently if you tell them your child’s diagnosis. That is unfortunate.

However, in my experience, those who treat a child differently due to a diagnosis are the same people who mistreat them before they knew about the diagnosis.

Unfortunately, I have seen this both as a teacher and as a parent.

I have witnessed people who simply expect everyone to be able to achieve the same level of success at the same time and pace with the same strategies.

When the students don’t perform, they either judge and complain (if they don’t know the diagnosis) or they ignore and avoid dealing when they do find out.

While I know you don’t want to hear that, it is true.

There are people out there like that both in and outside of the schools.

You will undoubtedly encounter them at some point along this journey. So will your child.

Now is the time to decide how you will handle them.

Your actions and responses to these people will set the tone for your child.

You can choose to patiently inform them and teach them about your child’s ADHD or you can respond in anger or avoidance.

The Bible tells us to bear with one another, to love each other and to have compassion for those who oppose us.

Take time to pray about this right now. Ask God to help you and give you the words to use when you need to speak with these people about your child’s ADHD.

ADHD: Who Needs to Know: YOUR CHILD.

Right now, YOU are you’re child’s advocate. You are responsible to know what they need and make sure they get it.

But you are also setting the tone for how they will view their ADHD.

Your attitude and actions will shape how and even IF they learn to advocate for themselves as they grow.

It is imperative that they learn to understand:

How they have been made.
What areas they struggle in.
What strategies are working for them
How to ask for help when they have a problem
How to recognize when they will struggle and seek the support they need in advance.

They will learn this from YOU, the parent, as they watch you advocate for them and as you share with them and talk about what is going on when they feel frustrated and how to make it better.

As your child grows and learns about his or her ADHD and what they need to do to manage themselves and cope with their environments, they will eventually be able to advocate for themselves and then it will be up to them to decide who gets to know about their diagnosis.

I know that is a HUGE responsibility. But you can do it and you are not alone.

You have access to a team of people who can help:

Our Lord who made your child and knows him or her like no other,
Your pediatrician,
Your special education teacher,
Your school or professional counselor,
Tons of online resources, including our Jesus Me & ADHD FB group, Jesus Me & ADHD FB page, and the Jesus Me & ADHD blog posts you can find on my website www.bethskaret.com.