ADHD Problem Solving Strategies
- Beth Skaret
- Mar 16, 2019
- 7 min read
Updated: Jul 8
Why can’t kids with ADHD manage to get things done? As parents it drives us NUTS! (right?)
You explain it over and over. You show them how again and again. You prompt, remind, nag, make a checklist, etc until you either do it yourself or lose it and start yelling (...or is that just me?).
Many people think that the reason people with ADHD have trouble getting things done is because they are easily distracted and have trouble staying organized.
That’s probably true in most cases, but those are not the only problems going on….
Another BIG problem facing ADHD kids (and even just kids in general these days) is that they have NO PROBLEM SOLVING STRATEGIES.
They start a task and when they run into an obstacle or a problem….everything just stops. They don’t know what to do, so they don’t do anything.
Problem solving strategies can be taught and learned, so parents….you’re in luck.
In this post I’ll share with you how to break down some strategies that you can teach your kiddo and help them learn how to cope when things they face obstacles.
In case you are new to the Jesus Me & ADHD blog, here are some other popular posts for you to check out:
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Problem Solving Strategies Don’t Come Naturally
Think about it. When little kids are learning about the world around them, they try things out and when something doesn’t work...what do they do?
Baby drops the pacifier or bottle and can’t reach it….
Toddler gets hungry or tired or doesn’t feel well….
Kindergartener doesn’t get to play the game he/ she wanted….
4th grader doesn’t can’t reach the top shelf to put something away…
Teenager can’t remember what the homework assignment is…
What do they do?
They either cry, have a temper tantrum or quit.
Why do they do this?
Because they do not have the problem solving strategies they need to figure out what to do when plan A fails. They didn’t even know there was such a thing as plan B, never mind how to come up with one.
Problem solving strategies are not natural. You are not born with them. You learn them through trying, failing, trying again, failing and then finally noticing that there is another way to approach a problem.
ADHD kids in particular, are very limited in their observations. They notice what is happening to them, not so much what others are doing.
That’s also why they struggle with interpersonal and social skills. It’s kind of all about them.
When they don’t notice how other people cope with similar situations or think outside of their immediate surroundings, they miss other points of view, other ways to go about things.
In order for them to learn how to develop problem solving strategies, they need to be taught a method that is explicit (detailed, step by step) and in a real context.
Problem Solving Strategies: Explicit Teaching.
So, how does this play out? How do you actually go about “TEACHING” problem solving strategies to ADHD kids?
You need to seize the teachable moment.
The next time your child starts to cry, have a tantrum, or tries to quit after meeting with an obstacle, use that moment to help them navigate using a problem solving strategy.
I suggest a multi - step strategy:
Pray for patience and clarity
Identify the problem - where did it break down?
Identify what solution was tried (and failed).
Brainstorm other possible solutions - what else could you try?
Observe others who have been successful.
Try the best solution.
Keep trying solutions until you find one that works.
Ask for help.
Problem Solving Strategies: An Example in Context
Your child is having a meltdown (crying and yelling) because she wants to play with her friend, but can’t do so until she finishes her homework and she is stuck on a writing assignment.
Obviously, you need to calm them down first (hence the praying for patience and clarity).
Pray with your child:
That alone will help tremendously.
Pray for patience to be able to work through the situation and for clarity to be able to figure out what needs to be done and solve the problem.
Identify the problem:
Now, in this scenario, your child probably is hyper focused on the not being able to play with her friend...but that is not the real problem...that’s a side effect.
They need to slow down and see the issue as it is. You can help them do this by asking questions.
“What is the problem here?” (I can’t go play with my friend)
“Why can’t you play?” (I have to finish my homework)
“Can you finish your homework?” (NO!--notice--- this is where the obstacle is, thought it is not their point of focus).
“Why can’t you finish your homework?” (because I can’t think of what to write for this paragraph.)
“So, is the problem that you can’t play or that you can’t think of what to write?” (probably both from their perspective)
“Which problem do you need to solve first?” (I need to think of what to write.)
Now you’ve shown them how to back it up and find the real (or immediate problem).
This kind of modeling / questioning will have to be done again and again before they get the idea and start to do it on their own.
However, by having you talk them through it each time, you are providing them with immediate access to a point of view outside of their own circumstances. You are literally BEING the rational thinking part of their brain while they learn to do it themselves over time.
Identify the solution that failed:
Ask them what they have tried so far.
They have probably tried only one thing or have not tried anything.
“What have you tried so far to help you write?” (I don’t know. I can’t think of anything)
“Is there anywhere you could look to see if there are directions?” (shrugs, maybe hands you the paper with the assignment on it).
Read the directions out loud. Sometimes ADHD kids have trouble processing written directions. They might comprehend better if they hear it out loud.
“Do the directions tell you what to do?” (yes. no)
Brainstorm other possible solutions:
Observe others who have been successful:
“Where else could you find out what to write about.” (IDK, my teacher? My friend? Ask my sister who had this assignment last year?)
“Okay, can you ask them?” (I guess. - calls friend and asks what to write).
Child chooses a solution and tries it.
Try the best solution:
Keep trying until you find one that works:
This might not always be the best solution. The key is to let them choose a solution to try and see it through. If you always give them the fix, they won’t learn to persevere through mistakes and obstacles
Let them pick a solution and try it.
Check back in with them to see if it worked.
If it did - high five.
If not, why not? Remember you are guiding here, not judging the choice they made.
Ask them what they want to try next?
Then repeat the process.
It’s hard to watch your kid struggle and fail. Believe me, I know it. I’m something of a perfectionist, so it chews me up to watch my kid struggle.
But the truth is that learning happens in the struggle….not in getting the right answer.
Allowing your child to fail sometimes is not a bad thing.
We learn by failing and getting up and trying again.
We learn to walk by stepping, falling and trying again.
We learn to speak by making random sounds until we are finally understood.
We learn to make friends, do our jobs, and be successful at sports, academics, the arts, etc by trying, failing and trying again. We keep getting up.
But if someone gives you the right answer as soon as you fall the first time, how resilient will you be?
You’ll fall, and then lay there and wait for someone to come and pick you up, dust you off and show you what to do.
If that is how you teach problem solving, you are always going to have to be the one who solves the problems.
Let them fail and let them know that it is okay to fail...just not okay to quit.
Ask for help:
Set clear boundaries and expectations for when to ask for help.
When my kids tell me they can’t find something, I insist that they look under, inside, and behind at least 5 things before they come and ask me for help.
But I also tell them that when a problem is hurting their heart, I want to help them and that they can talk to me about anything.
Sometimes, the problems they face seem trivial to me, but I know it’s not so for them. That’s when I use more of the guiding approach above.
Sometimes, the problems they face are just too much for a child and as a parent, I need to intereced. But I make sure they see and hear (as much as is appropriate) how I handle problems.
Make sure you are providing a good model of problem solving.
Model prayer and including God’s word as your guide.
Think through things out loud.
Explain why you do things.
Point out when something didn’t work and how you will proceed with another option.
As much as you need to step back and let your child learn how to struggle and overcome obstacles, you also have to be there to help when the problem is just too much for them.
Kids face all kinds of problems and some of them are things they should not have to face as kids and definitely not alone.
If you child is struggling with a problem that they have tried to solve and it just isn’t getting fixed (despite the best they can do), make sure they know that they can ask for help.
More than anything, make sure they know that the Lord loves them and cares about them. Teach them to turn to God for answers first before giving up and to rely on his strength and guidance in all things (big or small).
Don’t forget to grab your Free PDF:
What you NEED to Do to make sure your child has
The best opportunity to succeed at school.
Like what you read here?
Check out the rest of my website and blog for more practical ideas to deal with daily ADHD issues and to find encouragement and support in this Journey: www.bethskaret.com
You are warmly invited to join us in our FREE Face Book group: The Jesus Me & ADHD Moms Fellowship. It is a group of Christian Moms of kids with ADHD who share, support and pray for each other as we journey through the daily struggles with ADHD.
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