5 Tips to Help You Confidently Talk to Your Child's Teacher About Difficult Things Without Losing Your Cool.
- Beth Skaret
- Dec 9, 2018
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 7, 2025
Have you ever had to talk to your child’s teacher about something they said or did in class that hurt, embarrassed or frustrated your child?
Did you get angry? Did you cry? Did you just want to shake them because it felt like they either didn’t get it or just didn’t care?
Or maybe you felt all those things and wanted to say something….but you just couldn’t get up the nerve to say….anything.
It’s exasperating isn’t it?
Talking to your child’s teacher about difficult things does not have to be that way.
In this post I’m going to share with you 5 tips to help you confidently talk to your child’s teacher about difficult things without losing your cool.
Tip #1: Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Difficult Things With a Right Attitude.
The first thing you need to do before anything else is check your attitude.
(Wait, what? They messed with my kid and you’re telling me to check my attitude? Are you kidding me?)
I hear you - and I get it. Believe me, I have gone all mama bear at my kid’s teacher before. And I’ve also been very embarrassed and guilty about my behavior after the fact.
God tells us to be angry but do not sin.
So…STOP and check your attitude.
Take some time to cool down.
Don’t go around telling everybody you can get a hold of what that teacher said or did to your kid. First of all, that is gossip. Secondly, use the time instead, to calm down and pray about it.
Colossians 3:12-17 says:
“....clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, and patience. Bear with one another and forgive whatever grievances you have against one another as God forgave you.”
Ask God to help you be forgiving and to handle the situation with a Christ- like attitude.
This is an opportunity to reflect God’s mercy and compassion to both the teacher and your child. Don’t waste it.
Tip #2: Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Difficult Things With Prayerful Preparation.
Romans 12:18 says, as much as it depends on you, live at peace with all.
Take some time before you write that email, make that call or march into the school building, to pray for patience, clarity, and compassion.
You’ll probably still be a little upset. You might be afraid you’ll cry or unable to remember what you wanted to say. Praying about it first will help.
Ask God to give you patience to listen, not just spout off everything you think they did wrong. Remember, you did not witness (in most cases) the event that triggered this conversation. You are hearing it from only one perspective. Have patience and an open mind to consider that there may be more to the story than what you have heard.
Ask for clarity to deal with the issue at hand and not all the different things you can think of that you are unhappy about. Prayer can help you focus your conversation and be purposeful.
Ask for compassion to see where the teacher might be struggling. I know that is counterintuitive, but putting yourself in the teacher’s shoes will help you to communicate in a way that they will listen and respond to you.
Tip #3 Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Difficult Things With a Team Mentality.
If your child has an IEP, you are already part of the same team.
The purpose of the IEP team is to work together to to develop a way to teach your child so that they can work to their best ability.
You have the same goal and (theoretically) you should all be following the same plan.
Don’t be aggressive and adversarial - approach it as a team member offering to help.
Use language like: “I’ve noticed that my child has been having difficulty with….” OR “I’ve been discussing with my child how _____ is going and I have a few questions….”
Offer a suggestion: “It seems like my child is feeling frustrated with the pace of the math lesson. Would it be possible to try ___________.”
Don’t just point the finger. If you want the teacher to hear you out, you need to be supportive - not accusing. The quickest way to guarantee that the teacher doesn’t listen to you is to sit there an point out everything you feel they've ever done wrong.
Offer to help: Suggest ways you could possibly help the teacher help your child:
Offer to read the story for reading at home the night before.
Offer to do the spelling test with your child at his/ her own pace.
Offer to come in to class and be a calming influence during indoor recess.
Have a solution in mind. It’s easy to point out a problem - anyone can do that. Be the person that tries to help solve it.
Obviously, not everyone will be able to do these exact things, but it’s the supportive attitude that matters here.
You need to come off as a parent who cares about your child AND the child’s teacher.
You are a member of one team to support your child. The teacher is a member of many teams to support all the children in the classroom.
There is a VERY good chance that if you approach this with an encouraging and positive attitude, your concerns will not only be heard, the teacher will welcome your suggestions and help.
#4 Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Difficult Things With Specific Examples.
When you need to confront a teacher about something they said or did, try to keep it narrowed to a specific example.
It’s very easy, especially when you are all worked up and defensive, to start spouting off everything the teacher has done that you find to be wrong.
Write down ahead of time what specific thing you need to address and stick to that topic.
Using specific examples helps to keep the focus on the behavior rather than judging the person.
Use language like:
“When you said ________________ to my child about his math homework, my child felt embarrassed.
“When you made my child miss recess because her homework was incomplete, she didn’t get to move around enough and ended up responding by ______________.”
Tip #5 Talk to Your Child’s Teacher About Difficult Things Using a Biblical Model for Conflict.
Sometimes, you can do everything right and your concerns still go unheard, behaviors go unchanged and you need to take it a step further.
If the teacher refuses to acknowledge your concerns, is not following the IEP after having it pointed out (and sometimes explained), you may need to take it to the next level.
Keep in mind that there is a difference between the teacher not listening to or acknowledging your concerns and them not doing what you want.
Your concerns should be acknowledged and you should be heard, but your solution or demands may not be what is required to resolve the situation.
Keep an open mind and be knowledgeable about what the IEP requires.
If you determine that you NEED to advance your concerns to the next level, I encourage you to do this using the Matthew 18 model for confronting sin.
Go to the person privately and point out what they are doing (this is everything I have outlined above).
If they refuse to listen, bring another person along with you who is privy to the situation and has observed the same thing that you have. In this type of situation it could be the special education teacher, the principal, possibly another parent - but only if they had direct knowledge and witness to the behaviors.
If they still refuse, take it to the administration - Principal, special education director.
At this point if they continue to refuse to cooperate it would be the responsibility of the school administration to take control.
Having to talk to your child’s teacher about difficult things is never something that anyone wants to do or does well.
Be encouraged that we have all been there and we are praying for each other.
If you find you are in need of support and encouragement as you deal with conflict in your child’s school, classroom, or just wherever, I invite you to join our FaceBook Group: Jesus Me & ADHD Moms Fellowship.
You will find like minded moms who are walking the same journey and are there to bless, encourage and pray for you.
Need some daily encouragement?
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